Here’s what I know…to say I was outraged by the comments of RFK Jr. is an understatement for sure. I forced myself to listen to all of it so as not to make any kind of snap judgment or to make sure I understood the context. His comments, autism is a disease, ruins families, people with autism don’t pay takes (WTF) and can’t use the bathroom alone, etc. As you would expect, I was very upset and the night I heard it I had a lot of trouble sleeping and just felt weepy. This was the messaging on the world stage?This is what our HHS is putting out there for the world to listen? I really wasn’t sure how to channel this negative energy, how to shake the despondent feeling of when will this ‘government of crazies’ end. Some folks have been saying he meant people who are “low functioning” whatever the heck that means, but even more of a reason not to put out there a plethora of debunked misinformation.

The next day I started noticing tons of comments, videos, collective outrage. I am a bit addicted to Tik Tok (ugh) and as alogorithms do, I kept seeing tons of people with autism posting. “I am an autistic person and I just paid my taxes”, “I am autistic and just used the toilet alone”, “I am autistic and just got home from a date”. Next I was seeing the parents expressing their fury, the pure resentment of the mischaracterization of their families. I know this is a little crazy, but I started to feel better. I started to feel like my angst and despair was shared and that by all of us putting our feelings “out there” maybe some good can be done. I am always looking for the learning and thankfully, it arrived just in time. I learned how many other families felt like I did. Autism has held the greatest life lessons for me and many of my family members. A small accomplishment can level me in the best way possible. I am fortunate because I can share his triumphs with friends and family, and they too have learned and get it! And I learned the sense of community, the safety and warm blanket of a group of people with shared experiences.

I remember when my Dad was taking care of my Mom who had Alzheimer’s. He started going to a support group for spouses and was not really the kind of person who could appreciate that, it was a little too touchy-feely for him, but he came to appreciate its value and shared with me. I had a little chuckle to myself like gee Dad I had been telling you for years how sharing your feelings with people who are similarly situated is enlightening and comforting unlike anything else. He learned that my Mom’s behavior was not always something she could control and he had to accept it and not be angry at her for it. Remarkably, this made him have more patience for Bryan. Somehow a light bulb went off that maybe Bryan could not always control himself and deserved a bit more patience.

So this awful, dangerous, rhetoric from RFK Jr will not torment me. Instead I am going to revel in something which I already know but want to remind the world. People with autism are different! They provide challenges to families, but also provide a beauty and strength that is immeasurable. While I would love for things to be easier for Bryan, I would not change anything about him. Without autism he would be someone else, and I love him for who he is, not for who he is not. Nothing this government does or says can change what autism families know in their hearts and I am super proud to be part of this community.